IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
According to whencanireusethiscalendar.com, for the upcoming year 2013, you can press into service — completely validly and with no schedule-related repercussions — past calendars from the years 2002, 1991, 1985, 1974, 1963, 1957, 1946, 1935, 1929, PLUS (you guessed it!) 1918.
So from now until the beginning of 2013, I will spotlight for your benefit calendars available TODAY on the OPEN MARKET that you can use for the impending year 2013. SUCH AS THE ONE PICTURED ABOVE.
This “Vintage KELLOGG’S RICE KRISPIES 1985 Hanging Calendar Towel” ($8.95 on eBay) is described in the following glowing terms:
Here is a darling vintage 1985 Kellogg’s Rice Krispies hanging calendar towel. It feels like linen, but might be cotton/linen combination. Measures 15 1/2” wide x 24 1/2” long and comes with original stick and string for hanging. New old stock…Excellent condition with no stains or damage and the colors are nice and vibrant. Because this has a hanging stick in the top, it needs to be sent in a special priority mail box. If you don’t want the hanging stick just let me know and I’ll send the towel without the stick First Class Mail. Just let me know so I can change the shipping on the invoice before you pay. Thank you for understanding.
Please email me with any questions prior to bidding!
Priority Mail Shipping Only $5.00!!
Please check out my other auctions for more great items! I combine shipping!
Thank You For Looking and Good Luck!!
My immediate reactions:
• Is this simply a calendar that happens to also be a towel (or a towel that happens to be a calendar)? Or is a “calendar towel” an actual specific thing? Why do you need a calendar on a towel, or for that matter, a towel on a calendar? Most of the towels I use on a daily basis are either in the bathroom (where I quite frankly don’t care what day it is, as I have more, uh, pressing issues) or in the kitchen (where towels are usually crammed through the handle of an oven or fridge, thus rendering any calendar information that might be printed on it unreadable). A towel seems to me an unusual medium for conveying information to members of a household.
• Wait, this comes with “original stick and string for hanging.” So this is a DECORATIVE piece, meant to be hung on a wall or something. Reading more closely, if it “feels like linen”, my suspicion is that this isn’t really what I would consider a “towel”. A towel is something you use to DRY THINGS. A piece of linen is a CLOTH or HANDKERCHIEF or perhaps a FLAG. Thus raising the question again, is “calendar towel” a specific term?
• A Google search informs me that “calendar towels” do, in fact, exist in the larger world, and they are something like wall hangings. WHY DO YOU CALL THIS A TOWEL? That is my question. Do I simply have a different definition of “towel” than most?
• The dictionary informs me that a “towel” is “a piece of thick absorbent cloth or paper used for drying oneself or wiping things dry.” THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT FROM THE BEGINNING. I’m right and the CALENDAR TOWEL CONSORTIUM is WRONG.
• People do, however, often make decorative items that have no actual utility. Googling “decorative towel” shows me those super-plush fringed towels that people have in their guest bathrooms, with gold tassels and some kind of metallic thread making Middle Celtic patterns that you’re afraid to wipe your hands on because they’ll leave dark smears on the pile and leave your fingers feeling vaguely waxy. Decorative towels can go pound eggs. I don’t want anything to do with decorative towels, they can suck it. Get out of here with that noise.
• “Thank you For Looking and Good Luck”?? It’s a Buy It Now auction, I don’t need LUCK. I just need nine dollars and a healthy dollop of self-loathing.
• Or is the seller saying “Good Luck [WITH YOUR LIFE AFTER YOU OWN THIS CALENDAR TOWEL]”?? I can definitely see things taking a turn for the worse after this thing enters my life. “Shorter hours for Mother” sounds like a bit of a monkey’s paw situation. CLEARLY THE MOTHER KILLED HERSELF NOT LONG AFTER HER IMAGE WAS RENDERED ON THIS TOWEL.
• My prime concern about buying this towel is that I’ll start staring incessantly at that white-faced cherub with the broken pinky, wondering day in and day out how she can hold a spoon with a crescent roll for a hand, and then, gradually, slowly, I’ll begin to think that she’s holding up her hand for me. One day, late at night, in the shadowy dark of winter midnight, I might approach the calendar towel, and place my hand against the two-dimensional bulbous hand of the creepy belipstick’d baby, giving it the high five it’s been waiting for since 1985.
• And yet this is destined to fail to satisfy her. I can do no else but to leave her hanging, forever.
• Her palm, in the quiet of that midnight touch, will feel like linen, but might be cotton/linen combination.